THE TOP 25 WORST SONGS OF 2009 By Kevin Kilker

Well it was bound to happen eventually. Despite all the amazing music 2009 had to offer there were plenty of unfortunate mishaps and just plain horrible songs. Now some of these songs do appear in the Top 209 Songs of 2009 list, but that can be for many reasons. For some, despite being just plain bad it still managed to be supremely popular. Other times it can simply be so bad that in a way it’s almost entertaining (case in point: Jerimih’s “Birthday Sex.” The list is pretty self explanatory. These are just bad songs. It has little to nothing to do with chart performance but much more so about the overall quality of the songs. And if you happen to like any of these songs and you need to talk about “taste,” then just let me know lol.

25. Snoop Dogg- Gangsta Luv
I love Snoop Dogg and all, but I think he needs to do a little refocusing

24. Soulja Boy feat. Sammie- Kiss Me Thru The Phone
A promising beat and decent chorus sung by Sammie gets ruined by Soulja Boy’s lazy rhymes

23. Down 4 Webster- Rich Girl$
The name of the band and the title of the song explain it all…I have to go no further

22. Shakira- She Wolf
Tacky premise with an underdeveloped beat and a synthed up Shakira howling like a wolf…yeah…

21. T-Pain- Take Your Shirt Off
What worst of list is not complete without a little T-Pain? At least he did “I’m on a Boat”

20. Elliot Yamin- Can’t Keep On Loving You
Generic pop song with generic pop lyrics dissolved any chances of a star in Yamin

19. Theory of a Deadman- Not Meant to Be
The next Nickelback/Daughtry super douche group makes Crap Rock look promising.

18. Usher- Papers
I understand going through a divorce sucks Usher, but keep it out of your songs…you’re losing man points

17. Pussycat Dolls- I Hate This Part
Hot, yes, but certainly not musically inclined. I think its time to go back to burlesque dancing again

16. Puddle of Mudd- Spaceship
After having a actually decent track in “Psycho,” they follow it up with filth

15. 50 Cent feat. NeYo- Baby By Me
After multiple delays and rewrites its not surprising that the end result is, well, terrible

14. Alice in Chains- A Looking in View
Before redeeming themselves with “Check My Brain,” they started off with this garbage. Like REAL bad.

13. LMFAO feat. Lil Jon- Shots
Although not especially great in general LMFAO recruit the king of crap rap Lil Jon and take it up a notch

12. Miley Cyrus- Hoedown Throwdown
Disney fans may love her, but were songs like this REALLY necessary for the movie?

11. Kris Allen- No Boundaries
The Idol Winner’s swan song should have been it’s swan song, but American Idol can’t have that.

10. Nickelback- Something in Your Mouth
Nickelback has made some terrible songs in the past, and considering the current album sounds identical to the previous superhit, the singles were fairly similar to. This is a rip off of “Figured You Out,” but even worse. They leave little to imagination here, and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth

9. Daughtry- No Surprise
It’s no surprise that this lead single off his sophomore effort was just as bad as his previous efforts. In fact, it was even worse. More predictable than anything he has done before, Daughtry truly does bring it to a new level of suck

8. Chris Cornell- Part of Me
Cornell decided to be adventurous while making his third solo album with Timbaland. But it turned out to be a complete disaster, with Cornell failing miserably as a dance pop singer. Sure, the beats may work for Miley or Britney, but the whole experience is just unnerving and incredibly disappointing

7. Jerimih- Birthday Sex
This song is the ultimate example of a song that is so bad, so cheesy, so incredibly lame that it ends up being somewhat entertaining. That is the case here, and for whatever reason the song took off on the charts, But train wrecks can be entertaining, and this one is a treat of failure

6. Creed- Rain
Although this song holds extra hatred in my heart for reasons that shall remain nameless it is still a complete piece of crap song. Despite “Overcome” being surprisingly decent, this retread into rock ballas territory lacked a lot of the confidence Scott Stapp once had…and its kinda sad

5. Miley Cyrus- Party in The USA
Everyone in the country seem to have a fascinating addiction to this track, but for reasons unbeknownst to me. It sounds like a 13 year old wrote it, and considering Cyrus’ declarations of growing up this definitely did not help her cause. And it certainly did not bring any brain cells back

4. Rammstein- Pussy
In German hard rock/metal outfit Rammstein sound a lot cooler and hardcore. But their incessant attempts to ruin it by making English versions really put the nails into the coffin. And this was the worst case. The lyrics become primitive, unnecessary and not even tolerable. Some may find humor in its horrifyingly bad song, but I just don’t that is even possible here

3. Heidi Montag- Body Language
The complete roller coaster of a failure that is Heidi Montag took time out of her miserable excuse for a life to make an album that is just as terrible as you would expect. This lead single is like nails on a chalkboard, with her extremely modified voice and terrible lyrics and even worse beats making this a true gem of a suckfest. Honorable mention goes to her equally douchy husband Spencer Pratt for a rap he made on the D List I’m a Celebrity, Get me Out of Here!

2. Asher Roth- I Love College
Im assuming this lowlife white boy “rapper” thought he would reach music making gold with a song about college. Unfortunately it was bigger than it deserved to be, but then again here it goes. This guy is everything bad about the fratty lifestyle with a bridge that is nothing but drinking chants. This is truly a low point for music in my opinion, and the fact that people like Asher Roth get big means I have a solid shot at being the next Asher Roth…hell maybe even the next Daughtry!

1. Soulja Boy- Got My Swag On
Although Soulja Boy certainly wasn’t to blame for the downfall of rap’s prominence over the last few years his ghastly excuse for music certainly helps put the final nails in the coffin. This track is the ultimate example of how lazy Soulja Boy’s rhymes are. The chorus is a mumbling, bumbling mess, and it seems that whenever Soulja Boy can’t think of a freestyle fast enough he just throws some sort of sound effect or grunt. The premise of the song isn’t much better or original in any way. Along with the fact that his voice to me makes me want to put my hand down a garbage disposal in the hopes that I will somehow be able to get it out of my head. But like a virus he just keeps coming back and getting worse each time. If only there were a Soulja Boy vaccine…if only

Superdouche